We are all on the edge of disaster. Of falling so hard and so deep that we wonder how it was that we got this far. Slipping down a slippery slope, dancing with the enemy, flirting with danger. I’m truly convinced that if I don’t take precautionary measures, I will have an extramarital affair. And I think any of you could, too.
The battle all started the day we drove away on our honeymoon.
It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly and surely I’d find myself drifting away from my marriage and my husband and the hypothetical yet totally realistic slide to despair would start:
Maybe it would start with being tired and pregnant. And having no energy beyond the necessities of life.
Then, a simple fight might send one of us to the couch for the night. And the next. And the next. Until we blame our separate sleeping habits on our very opposite sleeping patterns.
A girl’s night out to the movies would give me those once-felt butterflies and knots as I watch two people fall unnaturally and all Hollywood-like in love. And I start to think that we are missing something so core and pertinent to a relationship: “spark” – something the adorable Bachelorette told me she’s looking for in her relationship. And how could she be wrong?!
My thoughts would start to linger in areas they have no business being in: fantasizing about life with another man, dreaming about life before my husband, wishing my current season of diapers, sleepless nights, and messy kitchens away.
Then, in my vulnerable state, he would approach me at a coffee shop and strike up a conversation, My heart would flutter as it used to for my husband and I would think that this is what it was meant to be. That my husband and I have just gotten boring. Old. Used.
It may start innocently enough (innocent being a relative term, of course), but it would soon evolve, transition, and morph into what I never meant for it to become.
It’s dangerous ground. The land mine right under my feet is threatening death, ripped hearts, and broken souls.
Don’t take a step further. I’d hear the warning in my mind. But it would feel too new, too exciting, and even too sexy to stop.
The problem is I’d already have gone too far. I already needed to have stopped. Back when my husband was sleeping on the couch. Back before I ever saw the movie, or thought those thoughts, or talked with that guy.
And those things I’m blaming it on? The kids, my new “uncomfortable” post baby body, his own sinful acts, or serious lack of “me time” are all just veils hiding the deep truth that I am inherently sinful. And totally capable of doing the unthinkable – cheating.
When I hear talk about even our most righteous acts being as filthy rags, I can’t help but remind myself how naturally sinful I really am. That my heart, when left on it’s own, will do crazy and stupid things.
And I’m pretty sure yours can, too. Or maybe it already has. Because, you see, an affair in your heart can start long before a physical affair. Something I like to call an emotional affair. Equally as dangerous, my friend.
Many of us are already having an emotional affair – with a character in a book, with an actor in the movies, with our co-worker, or even with the fantasies of our mind. Maybe your emotional affair isn’t with a man at all. Maybe it’s with your business? Social media? Anywhere you are spending precious time and resources that could be better focused on your marriage.
So what do we do? Guard, fight, protect, and scream at the forces invading our marriage. How?
- Dust off your marriage and start being intentional again!
- Weekly date nights.
- Little “drops of love” in form of love notes, gifts, or text messages. See here for lots of ideas – thanks Pinterest!
- Start praying for your husband – every. day. Let me help you focus those prayers. For FREE.
- Remember, write down, and talk about the things you DO LOVE about your husband. Then go back and read them often – especially when times are rough!
- Protect your eyes, mind, and heart from TV, movies, and books that threaten your current happiness (can I say: 50 Shades of Grey and Magic Mike, anyone?? Come join the lively discussion on the FB page about Magic Mike here).
- Make and capture your own movie moments with your husband.
- Spend daily time in God’s word to train and condition your heart and mind to think on pure things.